Hail GFOP!
Welcome to the final day of the Champions League’s league phase, aka the UCL RedZone royal rumble. All 36 teams play this afternoon at the same time, with endless potential permutations of who automatically qualifies for the next round, who will fight it out in the playoffs, and who goes home with nothing more than a few European nights out to tell the grandkids about.
Of the six Premier League sides in this year’s competition, five are currently in the top-eight automatic qualification spots. As it stands, Manchester City are 11th and would have to endure the playoffs, but the table is tight, nuanced and slightly deceptive:
City are 11th by goal difference only, so can easily get on the guest list with a home win against 17th-placed Galatasaray, but Newcastle, who are seventh but level on points with Pep’s side, have the daunting prospect of a night in Paris against holders PSG.
From Luis Enrique’s champions in sixth to Atalanta in 13th, eight teams sit on a very big 13-point knife’s edge — including Chelsea, who visit a Napoli side fighting to stay in the competition in any capacity.
Despite domestic disputes, both Liverpool and Tottenham are masters of their own destiny, with wins against Qarabağ FK and Eintracht Frankfurt, respectively, guaranteeing them automatic qualification.
Arsenal and Bayern Munich are the only sides to have qualified for the knockouts ahead of this final round of fixtures, but don’t expect either to take their foot off the gas.
Whatever happens, all six English clubs are guaranteed to make the UCL playoffs, but avoiding extra fixtures will be a huge cheat code for any manager who can make the top eight. 😅
ii. With AC Milan not playing on the continent this season, it’s allowed Luka Modrić the chance to adjust to his new life in Italy real quick. 🤌
iii. ICYMI from Sunday: A bit of absolute free-kick wizardry from Genoa’s Ruslan Malinovskyi that can best be described as equal parts knuckleball, missile, and WTF. 🧨
Also: This reporter’s reaction to some simply incredible footwork from Bayern goalkeeper Manuel Neuer is the most relatable thing you’ll see this week. 😯
iv. After one of this Premier League season’s wildest weekends, it’s anyone’s guess which versions of the Champions Leagues’s six English clubs we’ll get today. Let Rog and Rory Smith walk you through Arsenal and Liverpool’s most recent losses, and all the rest, in the most recent episode of the MiB pod. You can watch that here. 📺
Cheers,
Tommy Stewart & Max Bonem
PS - This truly might be the single greatest goal celebration we’ve ever seen. Parabens to everyone involved. 🍻
Now, to the UCL Football Madness 🏆
All 18 games TODAY will start at 3 p.m. ET on Paramount+.
PSG 🇫🇷 vs. Newcastle 🏴
Luis Enrique’s Champions League holders and Eddie Howe’s Magpies are level on 13 points and goal difference, so a draw here benefits no one. But after the Parisians wrangled back the top spot in Ligue 1 over the weekend, the Parc des Princes will be pumping. Ousmane Dembélé and Désiré Doué were only subs in their Friday win over Auxerre, so their legs will be fresh to run at Newcastle’s defense like Sonic and Knuckles through gold rings. PSG have scored four or more in three of their last four UCL home matches, so while survival is key for Newcastle, they have an outlet in Antony Gordon, who’s been lethal in this competition with six goals in seven.
More: Watch Anthony Gordon’s… interesting take on the difference in styles of play between the Premier League and Champions League.
Napoli 🇮🇹 vs. Chelsea 🏴
Plucky Liam Rosenior takes his resurgent Chelsea to visit their vengeful ex who refuses to give that favorite hoodie back, the curmudgeonly Antonio Conte, whose Napoli side are fighting for their lives in Europe. They’ve only won one of their last six matches in all comps and try as Scott McTominay might, are 25th in the UCL table, a notch below the playoff spots. Cole Palmer’s missed Chelsea’s last two matches due to a thigh injury, but Rosenior has hinted that his chippy chips connoisseur could return today, while Roméo Lavia (remember him?) has an outside chance of making his first appearance in almost three months.
Manchester City 🏴 vs. Galatasaray 🇹🇷
Arsenal’s shock loss to United on Sunday will have galvanized Pep Guardiola in ways that only an expensive turtleneck or Oasis’ comeback tour could. City have lost just one of their last 24 UCL first-round home matches, while Galatasaray only have one victory in their last 12 away games in UEFA competition. While the numbers bode well for Pep’s mob, Türkiye’s champs are a vibes-heavy “streets won’t forget” side spearheaded by the tournament’s third-top goalscorer and possible luchador, Victor Osimhen. Two familiar faces will also return to the Etihad in treble-lifting captain, İlkay Gündoğan, and former German fling, Leroy Sané, both of whom Pep called “lovely people” he’s “happy to see back.” Only if they lose, of course.
Arsenal 🏴 vs. Kairat 🇰🇿
Arsenal might be shellshocked by Michael Carrick’s Sunday siege, but the visit from winless and dead-bottom Kairat is an opportunity for Mikel Arteta to flex his squad’s muscles and let off some steam. With a victory, the Gunners can become the first-ever side to win eight out of eight in the league phase of the UCL. OK, we might only be in the second season of this format of the tournament, but records are there to be set and broken.
Liverpool 🏴 vs. Qarabağ FK 🇦🇿
An inaugural-season Premier League title win hasn’t stopped the ire of Liverpool fans, who have been underwhelmed by their team’s performance this season, and a last-minute loss to Bournemouth at the weekend has only heated Arne Slot’s Anfield pressure cooker. Thankfully in this competition, his side can qualify with a draw to Azerbaijan’s Qarabag FK, who have been a surprise package in this tournament and have their own playoff place to play for. Slot at least has Dominik Szoboszlai to turn to, who’s regularly been Liverpool’s savior this season, scoring in four of their last five Champions League matches.
Frankfurt 🇩🇪 vs. Tottenham 🏴
While Thomas Frank’s Tottenham tenure already feels like an unnecessarily elongated joke, automatic second-round qualification in this tournament is a tangible possibility, which makes things very confusing. Spurs fans have veraciously taunted their manager for their dismal Premier League form and conservative style of play, but their unexpected European adventure casts them as luminaries who are, incredibly, above Barcelona and PSG at fifth in the UCL table. These two met in last season’s Europa League quarter-finals where Spurs narrowly won 2-1 over two legs, but Eintracht are meandering in mid-table Bundesliga mediocrity this season, and down and out in the UCL as its fourth-worst side.
🗓️ Today’s full 18-match schedule here.
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🇺🇸 USMNT Only: Your regular update on the most important topics in the U.S. men’s game, all leading up to this summer’s World Cup.
News & Notes from Around Football 🗞️
A Jonathan Wilson all-timer: Mikel Arteta’s ruthless cyborgs malfunction in way that is all too human.
The eight Premier League stars most likely to move in this transfer window.
Let’s revisit Thierno Barry’s Monday equalizer against Leeds from two different perspectives: How the Everton admin saw it and how the cameraman saw the admin.
24 days until MLS opening day, here are eight potential breakout players for the upcoming season.
On a scale of 1 to WTF, how would you rate Cole Palmer’s new logo?
A 30-0 win & nearly 100 goals in 11 games - meet the bulldozing Bulls.
Rog raises a toast to the best football story of the week.
And lastly, not all heroes wear capes, but some do wear Hull City orange.
Who Played There? 🤔
This week, we want to know who’s the missing midfielder from Liverpool’s momentous 4-0 second-leg comeback win against Barcelona in the 2019 Champions League semi-final?
Email us (or reply to this newsletter) with your answer for a chance to win a much-coveted MiB patch!
Our last winner: Congratulations to Ron Singler, who was the first to correctly identify that Michael Carrick was the missing center midfielder in Manchester United’s 2008 UCL final-winning side that faced Chelsea. Get in touch and we’ll send your patch in the post, Ron! 📮
🐦⬛ We’ll see you again on Friday. In the meantime, keep sending your stories and questions to [email protected].
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