Erling Haaland appropriately scored the first of nine at Craven Cottage last night, surgically reaching his 100th Premier League goal in record time. He’s the 35th player in the competition’s history to hit that milestone, and inevitably he did it much quicker than anyone before him, needing a measly 111 games to get there, 13 fewer than the league's all-time top goalscorer, Alan Shearer. To commemorate the achievement, the aspiring “Die Hard” villain struck a pose this morning that can only be described as ice-cold magnificence.

Next on the Big Norwegian’s list will surely be Shearer’s 260-goal Premier League record; give him a season or two and he might just get there. In the meantime, check out Haaland’s recent conversation with Rog to learn about what goes into being the most effective goalscorer in Premier League history. 🩵

ii. In other news, AFCON starts in just under three weeks (as Liverpool, in particular, are well aware). Here’s which other Premier League teams will be most affected. 🌍

iii. It got called an own goal, but yesterday’s Weston McKennie-to-Jonathan David finish in Italy was pure CONCACAF joy. 🇺🇸🇨🇦

iv. And in case you missed it over the weekend, this physics-defying chip from Athletic Club’s Nico Williams is worth another look. 🇪🇸

v. If yesterday’s results have left you wondering what’s up with Spurs at home vs. Spurs away, or curious about Pep’s new embrace of chaos, let Rog and Rory Smith walk you through last weekend’s biggest Premier League stories. You can watch that here. 📺

vi. Speaking of Rog and Rory, this Friday at 12 p.m. ET, we’ll be streaming the World Cup Draw LIVE from the Grand Ballroom in NYC where they’ll be joined by the brilliant James Horncastle to break it down in real time. Come and join us on YouTube if you can’t be there in person. 🏆

PS - This might just be the most wholesome example of “game recognizes game” we’ve ever seen. 🫶

Cheers,
Tommy Stewart

Fulham 4-5 Manchester City

Once Erling Haaland had eliminated the elephant in the room, bagging his centurion goal after a three-match dry patch, and set up Tijjani Reijnders for a second, it seemed Manchester City were in for a leisurely stroll at Craven Cottage. It was 3-1 at halftime following a couple of worldies from Phil Foden and Fulham’s Emile Smith Rowe, allowing City to continue to sadistically push their jackboot into Fulham’s neck, adding two more after the break. At 5-1 down, the Cottage was quieter than usual, until an Alex Iwobi beauty and a brilliant quick-fire Samuel Chukwueze brace deceived Marco Silva and the Fulham faithful into erupting and viscerally seeing sport’s great mirage: hope. At the very death, a generational comeback momentarily seemed complete, but cruel fate in the form of a heroic Joško Gvardiol goal-line clearance intervened, as he booted away Josh King’s 98th-minute attempt. The nine-goal thriller epitomized why we’re told the Premier League is “The Best in the World™️,” and no one summarized that better than Pep Guardiola, who allegedly went bald amidst the chaos.

More: How Haaland set Premier League's 100-goal record.

Newcastle 2-2 Tottenham

The alarm on this one was set to snooze for the first half, but Eddie Howe poured some cold water on it with the introduction of Bruno Guimarães and Anthony Gordon, who combined with German giant Nick Woltemade for captain Bruno’s beautiful finish in the 71st minute. That woke up the Brazilian’s opposite number, Spurs’ Argentine captain Cristian Romero, who took Bruno’s “I am him” celly personally, heading in an equalizer before stealing the move and cupping his ears at the Toon faithful. Rodrigo Bentancur and Dan Burn had a mini-wrestling match during a late Newcastle corner, resulting in a contentious penalty on VAR review, which was taken convincingly by Gordon. But Romero once again refused to tap, emerging from the ground in the 95th minute to silence St. James’ Park with a weird shinned bicycle kick that somehow bobbled in. Newcastle have now dropped more points from winning positions than any other side in the league, something that will be giving Howe sleepless nights.

Bournemouth 0-1 Everton

After another dull first half (as was the theme yesterday), and an unfortunate miss from goalless Beto B-side, Thierno Barry, in the second, Jack Grealish eventually said, “Just… gimme the ball.” In the 78th minute, he took three touches before letting rip and slipping simultaneously for a deflected goal on the edge of the area, punctuated by an epic knee slide and a kiss of the badge in front of the mosh pit of traveling Evertonians. That was his second Everton goal, another late winner, and after some sad trips to the seaside, it secured the Toffees’ first-ever Premier League win at Bournemouth. It’s been a miserable run of late for Andoni Iraola’s Golden War Cherries, who are now winless in five, but for Everton’s Jekyll-and-Hyde side, you can file it as a very Moyesian scrappy but valuable three points on the road.

📬 Enjoying The Raven? Check out our other MiB newsletters:

🌞 The Women’s Game: Everything you need to know about women’s football, sent straight to your inbox each week.

🔍 The Correspondent: Rory Smith’s thoughts on the world of soccer, culture, food, and how they all connect – every Thursday.

🇺🇸 USMNT Only: Your regular update on the most important topics in the U.S. men’s game, all leading up to next year’s World Cup.

Arsenal vs. Brentford (TODAY, 2:30 p.m. ET, USA)

After surviving the battle of Stamford Bridge relatively unscathed, Arsenal are 17 consecutive games unbeaten in all comps and welcome back some key soldiers today. Captain Martin Ødegaard could make his first start in two months, while Viktor Gyökeres is ready once again to fight for his place in Mikel Arteta’s starting XI. The Gunners have drawn two of their last three but still lead the Premier League by five points, and despite the advantage of home comforts, with Igor Thiago leading the line, Keith Andrews’ Brentford are a potent force. His 11 goals make him the league’s second top-scorer, emerging from the shadows of Mbeumo and Wissa as the next forward who might move to a bigger school next summer.

Leeds vs. Chelsea (TODAY, 3:15 p.m. ET, Peacock)

Although the suspension of vital organ Moisés Caicedo vastly weakens Chelsea for this 200-mile trip north, it allows Enzo Fernández to drop back into midfield, making room for Cole Palmer‘s return just in time for Christmas. Enzo Maresca’s side have surprised many by staying in Arsenal’s slipstream without their enigmatic No. 10, who’s missed over two months with a groin strain and then a fractured toe. Leeds were desperately unlucky to lose late to City on Saturday, but regardless of that, it sank them further into the relegation hole, raising serious doubts over Daniel Farke’s tenuous position as manager.

Liverpool vs. Sunderland (TODAY, 3:15 p.m. ET, Peacock)

Arne Slot admitted Mo Salah was not happy about being dropped in Liverpool’s 2-0 victory at West Ham on Sunday, news evident as he sat sullen on the bench, like Bart when Homer forgot to pick him up from soccer practice. With only four games until he departs for AFCON, Slot will have to do his best ego massaging to appease the forward, who could miss out again tomorrow thanks to Florian Wirtz and Alexander Isak’s overdue excellence at the weekend. Possible Pink Panther villain and excellent football manager, Regis Les Bris, has stormed the Premier League with this fearless Sunderland side, who to the surprise of everyone, except for liars, are a point above Liverpool in sixth.

Watch: Rory Smith’s take on the Salah situation.

Manchester United vs. West Ham (Thursday, 3 p.m. ET, USA)

In their 2-1 comeback win at Selhurst Park on Sunday, Manchester United showed encouraging resilience, with that only the third time in Ruben Amorim’s Premier League tenure they’ve recovered a deficit to win. Tomorrow night under the Old Trafford lights, the Stretford End can look forward to being entertained by the return of Matheus Cunha, while Benjamin Šeško and Harry Maguire remain on the sidelines. West Ham have beaten United in four of their last five league clashes, but spirits might be low for Nuno’s struggling side, who will be without key man, Lucas Paquetá, due to his suspension following a concerning capitulation and red card in their 2-0 loss to Liverpool on Sunday.

🗓️ You can find the full list of this week’s PL fixtures here.

For our Champions League newsletter readers, you know this game: we remove a player from a classic lineup and you guess who it is. This time, we’re asking who’s the missing center-back from Tottenham’s 5-1 win over Newcastle in the Premier League on April 3, 2022?

Email us (or reply to this newsletter) with your answer for a chance to win a much-coveted MiB patch!