PENULTIMATE PREMIER LEAGUE WEEKEND 🏆

Hail GFOP!

I type with fingers still recoiling in shock and wonder after watching first Real Madrid, then Bayer Leverkusen uncoil their late, late, invincible European sorcery. Football sweet Football. Ultimately meaningless, but the powerful simultaneous, collective memories it enables us to make are not. Madrid coaxing two goals inside 167 seconds from exhumed Stoke City reject Joselu, and Xabi Alonso’s charmingly defiant Neverlusen with this stunning 97th-minute equalizer which extended their unbeaten run to a miraculous 49 games. One question now stands. These two teams are clearly imbued with some powerful necromancy. When they inevitably face each other in the Super Cup, who will win? The answer is simple: Everton Football Club, courtesy of Sean Dyche’s Sacred Tracksuit. 🪄

Talking of Sean Dyche’s tracksuit. I spent yesterday morning with Dominic Calvert-Lewin attempting to uncover the diabolical power of that polyester which has propelled Everton to four games undefeated, and safety, sweet safety. Dom has regularly made the mistake of blessing this show with his presence during his career – I can safely say, this is my favorite of his appearances as we broke down his Derby winning goal in delicious detail. That will drop next week. I also spent half an hour with Erling Haaland. This was his third time on our show, and it is fascinating to track his evolution and comfort. We talked about how he is a different striker now, then when he arrived at City, the metrics by which he judges whether he has had a good game, and exactly how he feels when he has been substituted off. Clash of Clans came up once or twice too. This was honestly as relaxed as I have found Erling. The conversation drops exclusively on our YouTube this morning at 10 a.m. ET. Subscribe to the channel so you do not miss it all. 🇳🇴🥩🛡️

PS. I am on the road next week. If you live in Charlotte, we are going to hold a drink at the French Quarter next Friday night May 17 MORE DETAILS TO COME, but come and raise a glass with us. And Kansas City, Sam Mewis and I are coming into town June 6 to do a live show with the quite remarkable Kansas City Current so SAVE THE DATE. KC Current season ticket members: make sure to check your email in the coming week. Ticket links are incoming. I am coming for All those Burnt Ends 🇺🇸

2. To the Football

i. Fulham vs. Manchester City (Saturday 7:30 AM ET USA) 

Unbeaten in a club-record 32 matches in all competitions, Manchester City are football’s version of the hydraulic press in the Apple iPad commercial, crushing every creative instrument artists have traditionally treasured for centuries, that gets in their way. They have beaten Fulham 15 straight times in all comps. Can the Cottagers overcome the odds and do Arsenal fans the greatest favor? Well, remember, they beat the Gunners 2-1 on New Year’s Day. So, you’re telling me there’s a chance… 

And: 14-Year-Old American Cavan Sullivan signs unprecedented deal which lands him at Manchester City. Proud Moment. Surreal Moment. Remember: player development is neither guaranteed nor a straight line, but Godspeed to Cavan. 🇺🇸

ii. Everton vs. Sheffield United (Saturday 10 AM ET on P'Cock) 

Everton’s last home game of the season. Will the Tracksuit deliver again? Next week we head to Arsenal to play Beto in goal and leak 10 in an effort to aid the Gunners’ impossible dream. This week is about a lap of honor post-game after surviving one of the most surreal seasons of survival in Premier League history. As the players take a lap of victory, remember they have won a battle, but a financial war of survival looms. Sean Dyche has spent the week warning the club will be forced to sell their best ­talent this summer unless a takeover is established, as he has been reduced to “juggling dust.” 

iii. Nottingham Forest vs. Chelsea (Saturday, 12:30 PM ET on NBC Proper) 

Forest, stung by the rejection of their appeal against the four-point deduction, will hope for that New Point Deduction bounce (that is clearly a scientific thing) to cement their top flight status as they stand three points clear of Luton Town with two games to go. Form Team Chelsea – yes! I just wrote that! – have quietly surged in a period sure to be known to archaeologists as the “Bald Nico Jackson Glory-era,” losing just once in their last 12. Although a City FA Cup win would open up another slot, right now the top six qualify for Europe. Chelsea are currently in seventh, two points behind Newcastle. Todd Boehlys who laugh last, laugh longest. 

iv. Tottenham vs. Burnley (Saturday, 10 AM ET, P’Cock)

From the noise surrounding the game, it is hard to tell which team is in worse shape. Burnley who will be relegated with a draw or a loss on Saturday, or Ange Postecoglou’s Tottenham, reeling in the freefall of four straight losses. With Champions League qualification at Hail Mary status, Big Ange is talking about the players he needs to come in, hinting who is surplus to requirements. 

v. Manchester United vs. Arsenal (Sunday, 11:30 AM ET, P'Cock)

Kaleidoscopic Darlings Arsenal swagger North, on the back of 14 wins in their last 16 and having conceded a miserly 0.78 goals a game. Pending City’s result, they may be in second place before kick-off. It has come to this though, Manchester United fans: You have to will your team to win and help seal Manchester City’s unprecedented fourth straight title, because Ten Hag’s mob have been that feeble in the wake of that 4-0 pistol whipping at Palace last Monday. The floundering Ten Hag has three games left to avoid recording the club’s lowest-ever Premier League finish. Arsenal fans, ignore this stat: Your boys have won just once in their last 16 Old Trafford Premier League clashes.

vi. Aston Villa vs. Liverpool (Monday, 3 PM ET, USA)

The Liverpool Farwell-Klopp exhibition game/Arne Slot player trial heads to Villa Park to face a Villa hoping to heal the shock of being bounced from the Europa Conference League semifinals at Olympiakos by sealing a Champions League place for next season. Virgil Van Dijk said of the transformative winds sweeping his club, “I wouldn't say scary is the right word, but it is quite interesting and exciting what will happen now."

PS. Thanks to GFOP John Donnelly of Enfield, NH who told me via email the important news, “If I could, I would rename my dog Slobberszlai.” Do it, Coward. 

More: Full Premier League broadcast schedule here 🍻

3. Championship Playoff Sunday. Four Teams Enter. Two Teams Leave 🏆

Godspeed to the four teams playing Russian Roulette in the Championship playoffs with a place in next season’s Premier League awaiting the survivor. Will Ferrell’s Leeds United travel to Ipswich’s East Anglian rival Norwich City, for whom Josh Sargent has scored 16 goals (Sunday, 7 AM ET, ESPN+). Then West Brom travel to Southampton (Sunday, 9.15 ET, ESPN+). Second legs will be played next Thursday and Friday. The final is at Wembley on May 26. 

More: Sky break down which of the four teams will emerge into Premier League wonder.

4. More Football, Did Ya Say?

i. A lovely piece of writing on the alchemy of Real Madrid in the Champions League by Barney Ronay.

ii. All Hail Ipswich Town. Celebrate the promoted side who will dazzle in the Premier League and revel in Ed Sheeran’s beersy performance with the team.

iii. Farwell, Marco Reuss. Dortmund and Germany legend. One of a kind.

iv. Player’s Union FIFPRO demand FIFA’s Club World Cup to be played in USA next summer be postponed. The Football fan in me understands this. The American detests it. 

v. Tom Brady’s Birmingham City relegated into League One. Wait till you hear what Nikki Glaser has to say about that. The Roast was just one night of agony. The third tier will be at least one year. How did it happen – on the limits of celebrity in football. 

5. The Women’s Game: FA Cup Final Weekend is upon us 🏆

The breathless title chase in WSL takes a pause this weekend as all eyes are on Wembley Stadium when Manchester United and Tottenham face-off for the 54th edition of the Women’s FA Cup Final. While Manchester United made their second straight final by defeating Emma Hayes and Chelsea, Tottenham have made it for the first time in their history. Neither team has ever won before. (Sunday, May 12, 9:30 AM ET, ESPN+)

ii. Chelsea are back in action on Wednesday night, the Title under their control again after Manchester City’s late slip-up. I loved reading how Hayes has been talking to Jurgen Klopp about the challenges of managing a club you have announced you will be leaving.  

iii. In NWSL, Portland Thorns hope to go all Cascadia on Seattle Reign (Saturday, 10 PM ET, Ion). For more on this, see last week’s The Women’s Game Newsletter and sign up here. If you know of anyone who loves The Women’s Game, be sure to forward this link along. Word of mouth is everything and your recommendations mean the world to us.

iv. So many of you asked so we had to do it. We're happy to launch our The Women's Game merch: shirts, hoodies, long sleeves, and even a mug for your beverage of choice. Sam even tried (almost all of) them on for you.

6. A lovely Scholarship opportunity in Italian Football 🇮🇹🇺🇸

Como FC are a remarkable story in the Italian top flight. Cesc Fabregas has managed the club to the cusp of a return to Serie A which could be sealed this weekend. It has been won in a very modern Arsenal tactical way. The club have announced a scholarship opportunity for the American audience. Get stuck in now!

LISTEN: We just released the latest episode of VAMOS with Como FC’s American Nicholas Gioacchini. He talks to Herc about playing in Italy and the possible promotion into Serie A. LISTEN NOW.

7. PrizePicks. Best PP since Peter Parker? 

Charlie Kipp Writes: We only have two weeks left in the magnificent 2023-24 Premier League season to lock in our PrizePicks entries, the doctors-recommended best way to add additional excitement to your football watching, so let’s make the most of it with a winner: David Raya MORE than 2.0 Saves.

Raya - the 28-year-old Spanish goalkeeper you’ve heard about all season actually moved to Blackburn Rovers’ academy when he was 16 and has spent the entirety of his pro career in English football, most recently at Brentford before moving to Arsenal where he has been the man who replaced the man who replaced the man. With his starting role now long-solidified, Raya has been a lynchpin for Mikel Arteta’s title-chasing youngsters, on a 14-1-1 streak in the Premier League. That Golden Glove sealing-streak will undoubtedly be under fire this Sunday at 11:30am ET on Peacock when Arsenal head to Old Trafford to face the (mortally) wounded dog that is Manchester United. Look - I am in no way here to suggest that United will beat Arsenal and effectively end the title race, but if there’s one thing I know about wounded animals - they bite. Hard. We are not here asking for a Herculean effort from Raya, but rather to slightly exceed his 1.43 Saves/90 minutes he has averaged this season and deliver us a win in the penultimate week of the season. Too much to ask? I think not. David Raya MORE than 2.0 Saves.

If you haven’t joined PrizePicks, CLICK HERE and use code MiB for a first deposit match up to $100.

8. This Week at Men in Blazers HQ

I'll write you a letter tomorrow. Tonight I can't hold a pen. 

💪 The Men in Blazers Show is back on Peacock this weekend with a new episode premiering Sunday after Arsenal’s clash with United. It features none other than Martin Ódegaard; Cole Palmer; Kobbie Mainoo and Alejandro Garnacho. Sunday. Peacock. Do Not Miss it. And you can watch the entire past THREE seasons of The Men in Blazers Show HERE. 

✨ What a week of European Football we have just lived. Dortmund’s delirious triumph. Real Mardid’s predictably unpredictable comeback. Leverkusen’s inexorable march toward destiny. And we covered it all. Rog went live with sartorial wonder and literary mind for our age, The Athletic’s James Horncastle on Do it Live! Wednesday (LISTEN HERE | WATCH HERE). And earlier in the week, we broke down, in depth, the method this Dortmund team - currently FIFTH in the Bundesliga - have used to reach the final of the Champions League on European Nights with Rory Smith. 

🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿 One of the most satisfying parts of Wrexham’s promotion journey into League One is the fact it wasn’t straight forward. There were twists. There were turns. There were tears. And it’s all captured quite beautifully in this week’s Season Finale of our This Week in Wrexham YouTube Series, Powered by STōK Cold Brew with our mate Tommy “Cheese” Lewis. Tomi, a born and bred Wrexham diehard has been our boots on the ground and has lived this journey week by week. We could not be more proud of what he, and his producer Steve Ellis, have created. WATCH THE SEASON FINALE HERE. PS. Phil Parkinson interview with the king of Wrexham Normcore on Tuesday. 

💙 In other YouTube exclusive content (we are putting out so much content ONLY on our YouTube, make sure you subscribe so you don’t miss anything)... EVERTON’S UNLIKELY HEROES: the story of the Dog, Protestor and Polyester tracksuit that have kept Rog’s club Premier League. WATCH HERE 

9. Grab yourself a beautiful memento of Wrexham’s season and support local charity 🏴󠁧󠁢󠁷󠁬󠁳󠁿

If you want to own a copy of one of the most remarkable images of Wrexham’s season and donate money to a local Welsh autism charity in the process, you can grab your own copy of the remarkable photograph of Paul Mullin surrounded by thousands of adoring fans the moment League 1 status was secured. Stunning this.

More: Really lovely piece on Wrexham Women’s side of the team. 

9. Not Football and All the Better for It

i. The Inside Story of Four Weddings and a Funeral which turns 30 this year. I still mourn Gareth’s passing.

ii. Death Cab’s Ben Gibbard on his 100-mile ultra marathon regimen. A remarkable human being talking about another hidden aspect of his brilliance. I got runners nippple just from reading this.

iii. You do not need a PhD in happiness from Yale to work out the secret to life contentment: seems to be eating pizza every day for six years. 

iv. Boring YouTube videos, deliberately boring podcasts helping put people to sleep. The next stage is watching Sheffield United matches. 

v. New Craze: Powerpoint parties. Mikel Arteta has never been more intrigued.

vi. That song everyone on the internet kept trying to identify? It was from an 80s porno. Which would have been the first place we should have looked tbh.

vii. How technology killed off small talk. As someone that hates small talk, thank you technology. 

viii. Teens turning to AI Chatbots to talk through their problems. Probably shouldn't ask "What do I do when I can't stop talking to Chatbots?" 

ix. The economics of dating apps have made them worse. TL;DR: You’re definitely going to die alone, but if you do meet someone there’s a 90% chance it won’t be online. 

x. The Secret History of the Original Chicago Deep-Dish Crust. Makes. Me. Crave. Pequod’s. NOW.

xi. A beautiful read about a man who has opened his home to the unhoused, letting them stay with him as long as they need to.

xii. This music documentary looks amazing: Revival 69.

xiii. I loved this song this week: Ca va être moche by Dominic Sonic.

xiv. I read this book: There's Always This Year: On Basketball and Ascension by Hanif Abdurraqib. A poetic, floating, emotion-laden volume that is unlike anything you have ever read. The author, the sharpest of cultural critics, writes about basketball so as to write about life, death, loneliness and community. A challenging read. A rewarding read. Gent is a master. 

Finally, I want to thank Australian GFOP Simon Quintner for a lovely letter he emailed me ([email protected]) this week:

“Just experienced my greatest joy as a Father. On the morning school commute, my seven-year-old requested I play ‘the Champions' League anthem’ on Spotify as it is, apparently, ‘the greatest anthem in the world.’ The pain of my son choosing City over my beloved Arsenal has now washed away for ever.”

Simon, I loved this note. The first moment my then five-year-old son Samson was able to watch a full Premier League game with me was life-changing for us both. It was Sunderland against Liverpool in the beach ball game. I was totally exhausted and had fallen asleep in the middle of the game and he told me exactly what I had missed in passionate detail, and I knew, in that second – like you did with your son and the Champions League song – he was hooked for a lifetime. I feel the same for my Producer JW whose three-year-old son Finn has developed a footballing fandom the very second their Ipswich became Premier League. As we hit Mother’s Day, savor these parent-child moments that the game grants us. They are some of the finest we will experience in our life. And I say that as an Everton fan.

To more,

To better days ahead for All,

Big Love,

Courage,

ROG